I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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