thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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