Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
