if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
