His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
smell my finger.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
