how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
