the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
