people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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