I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
