Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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