My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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