Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
