im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
