I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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