No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
