you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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