He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if only i could text you this smell
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
