just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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