I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
