grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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