So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
