Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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