my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
