my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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