I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
