I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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