Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
