If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, beer. Big fan.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
