I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
