Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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