I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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