I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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