I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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