Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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