What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
