would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
