Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
