I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
