when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
