Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
