As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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