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Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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