so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
