I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think people are normalizing furries
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So here I am, sexting at work.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
