I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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