Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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