I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
