Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
