i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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