I have demons in me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
