I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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