dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
