I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
