OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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