i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
