Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
