i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
