No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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