walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
