I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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