I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
