My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
