I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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