her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
