how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
