How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
