new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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