oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
