May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize