Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
