The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
where are my eyebrows?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
