Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
