I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
