I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
