people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
