Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize