I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
