My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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