If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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