OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
